


Shut Up and Drive

by Dontaskdontpastel (Mistressaq)



Series: Terribles [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Crack, F/F, does this count as sex magic, idk - Freeform, iiiiiits bad!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistressaq/pseuds/Dontaskdontpastel
Summary: You can thank Crazy4Kameron for the inspiration to this awful project. This time last year is when i wrote my last Terrible thing (just look for branjie mpreg you’ll find it) so its about time for another. I’m not gonna tell you to check out the anime that is the inspiration for this fic but if you Know, you know.Enjoy
Relationships: Kameron Michaels/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova, Willam Belli/Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Yvie Oddly/Kameron Michaels
Series: Terribles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675753
Kudos: 7





	Shut Up and Drive

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank Crazy4Kameron for the inspiration to this awful project. This time last year is when i wrote my last Terrible thing (just look for branjie mpreg you’ll find it) so its about time for another. I’m not gonna tell you to check out the anime that is the inspiration for this fic but if you Know, you know.
> 
> Enjoy

Three women approached a giant crevice that cut the ground in two. The approached the one bridge that allowed passage between the two sides, with intent to take it over. The bridge was guarded by four women, seemingly identical but for their wardrobe. All four of the guards were light-skinned, with blonde hair. Two of the women had slightly tanned skin, most likely applied to the skin, rather than actual melanin, as tracks of sweat cut through the color. These tanned women were Alaska and Willam. 

Alaska’s ass-length hair was half piled on top of her head in a dry mess, with the remainder of the length falling down her back. She wore a cropped American flag tank top and cutoff jean shorts. She stood securely in a heeled cowboy boot, even though she was easily the tallest of the four guards. To her right stood Willam, in a transparent plastic holographic cocktail dress, the edges of which seemed to be trimmed with bandage wrapping. She stood half a head shorter than Alaska in her four and a half inch platform sneakers, star-shaped pieces of glitter on her cheeks reflecting the sun like cutout mirrors.

The other two guards were Trixie and Katya. Katya was the one in the bright red jumpsuit with the bedazzled hammer and sickle on her back. Her lips were bright red and her skin milky white, but for her neck and hands which were similar shades of rosacea. To her side was Trixie, built tall and strong like a Viking Barbie. She wore pink lipstick and false eyelashes that were so heavy you couldn’t see the whites of her eyes. Her overdrawn lips were bubblegum pink, tying in perfectly with the shade of pink in the mod pattern on her T-shirt dress. The guards regarded each other with uncertainty as they watched the strangers approach.

The approaching women were unique in height, build, color and style. The one with flowing copper hair was tan and freckled, with tattoos winding from her upper chest, down her arms and hands. Her red knee-high patent leather boots matched her red cutout patent leather bodysuit. Three straps connected the bodysuit to a matching collar, creating near perfect windows to her chest, drawing eyes to the inked eagle gliding over her tits. The more muscular of the three, her biceps, quads and thighs left shadows, further illustrating her Amazonian form. This was Kameron.

To Kameron’s right hand was Vanessa, considerably shorter, but with thighs that could choke a man to death. She strutted along at a slightly quicker pace to keep up with her sisters’ long limbs. Those bronze legs of hers were segmented up to the thigh by black lace-up gladiator style heels. Silver chains hung around her neck, shining against her black mesh top, see-through but for her black bra underneath. High cut, high- waisted black linen shorts could barely contain a strong and voluptuous ass. Her long dark hair hung in tight waves along the sides, with the middle section of her hair pulled into six small buns, almost giving her extra height.

And on the far right strode Yvie, long everywhere but her hair, which she kept buzzed, and often dyed a neon yellow or green. Today, for example, what fuzz did cling to her scalp held an unnaturally bright yellow hue. Her features were bold, and large. Her eyes, nose, and mouth were the first features that could be focused on from far away. When she smiled, laughed, or even sneered, that expression seemed to jump off of her face. Below her head, Yvie was long and full of angles and bones. Her arms, legs, torso, abdomen, even her neck seemed long. Her outfit was difficult to look upon, some might call it offensive: what amounted to a whole lot of neon and mesh and scrap materials, accessorized with whatever brightly colored or shiny garbage she could find and affix to her garment with a combination of grass and human hair (obviously not her own). 

Yvie, Vanessa and Kameron stopped a good three paces away from the guards. “No need to tell us off,” said Yvie. “We already know you won’t let us pass.”

“So why  _ are _ you here?” asked Alaska, her long arms crossed. 

Vanessa gave a full-toothed smile. “Oh, we came to fight you for it.”

Several of the guards stood up straighter, taking up stances. Honestly just excited for something to do. Alaska looked to Willam and to Katya. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” said Yvie. “This is the bridge between the continents. Our side has the oasis and the plantations. Yours has the ores. But you four…” She shook her head. “You’re way too homogenous to be so powerful. You basic ass white blonde bitches need to make some space for some  _ diversity.” _

“Hey!” Willam spoke up. “That’s not right. We’re not all homogenous. I have brown eyes!”

“Yeah me too,” sneered Alaska. 

“Still white,” Yvie retorted.

“What about her?” Willam pointed at Kameron. “She’s white.”

Kameron shrugged, but Vanessa picked up a chunk of Kameron’s split ends.  _ “But! _ her hair is red.”

The guards looked at each other for a beat. At last, Alaska shrugged. “Fair enough.”

From Alaska’s word, Trixie and Katya turned to each other and kissed. On the opposite side, Vanessa and Kameron were in each others arms, tongues already halfway down each other’s throats. Willam crossed the half-step of distance between her and Alaska and shoved her hand up under Alaska’s tank top to play with her right tit. Alaska rested a hand on Willam’s hair, holding off on Driving for a moment. She was watching Yvie, who seemed to be the boss of the odd-numbered operation, and yet she wasn’t touching her partners. Was she not going to Drive at all? “Are you just sitting this one out?” she asked Yvie. “‘You know two-on-four is worse odds than three-on-four.”

“Nope.” Yvie cocked her head to one side. “They just like to get started early.” She tapped Kameron on the shoulder. “Ready?”

The redhead’s eyes were dark when she came up for air. “Definitely.” With that, Kameron twisted one of Vanessa’s nipples under her top and, like a key in ignition, sent the girl immediately into Drive. In a flash or light, Vanessa’s body transformed into a sparkling, bright red motorcycle, complete with miniature license plate that read: MS VNJIE. Kameron placed one hand on Vanessa’s handle and took Yvie’s with the other. She sat on the mesh seat, felt Vanessa’s engine purring through her core and sent herself into Drive. In another flash, Yvie held a bronze katana by a shiny red patent leather handle. 

By this time, Katya sent Trixie into Drive, and now was holding a pink staff, with two curved blades on either side at the top, the shape of which were reminiscent of her fan-shaped lashes. When Katya held Trixie in this form, she was still taller than her. At least this version couldn’t interrupt her when she was talking. 

_ “Lask.”  _

She felt a tug at her hair. Alaska had been so busy watching the strangers, she had forgotten Willam. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” She wound one hand under Willam’s hair to the nape of her neck and the other down to her ass. Alaska leaned down to capture her partner’s mouth in a kiss. When their lips touched, Alaska gave a good twist and yank to Willam’s hair at the same time she squeezed her ass. With a final “Mmph!” Willam went into Drive. Her form changed into that of an oversized Nerf gun, one that was see-through and holographic, with a giant reflective star on the side. 

Vanessa’s engine roared, and attention snapped to see Yvie revving the motorcycle while balancing on the back wheel only. Katya was the first to advance, sprinting at Yvie, sweeping Trixie’s front blade toward Vanessa’s tires. Yvie swerved and batted Trixie away using Kam-tana. Katya recovered, using the long axe’s weight to regain her balance. As she prepared to strike again, Yvie circled back around, only to be suddenly blinded by a shining light in her eyes. She curved away from the light, and in the fist-sized mirrors she caught sight of Alaska holding a gun with a star shaped mirror, which was where the light was coming from. Yvie growled and reached for her belt. One of the many pieces of ‘trash’ she attached to her clothes was a broken pair of sunglasses. Even though they were incredibly dirty and only one lens was intact, they were exactly what she needed in this moment. 

She was able to circle back around in time to see Katya charging toward her, once again with the axe blade low. The ground was too flat to do anything truly fancy, but Katya would have learned from last time. This round, Yvie advanced toward the woman in red, picking up speed just in time for her to pull a spin seconds before pulling into a wheelie. There was a sickening yet satisfactory  _ thud _ as Vanessa’s front tire collided with Katya’s face. Once Yvie stabilized again, she faced Alaska from afar. Puddles of viscous liquid and shimmering fragments littered the ground following Vanessa’s tire tracks. Alaska pulled a lever near Willam’s trigger and an empty purple cylinder fell to the ground. Alaska refocused, pointing Willam’s barrel straight at Yvie. Before the blonde woman could pull the trigger though, Kam-tana went flying through the air. The copper sword at last impaled its target, piercing Willam’s muzzle before flinging itself boomerang style back into Yvie’s capable hand. Alaska pulled the trigger reflexively, causing a jam that sent Willam into midair. Willam was snapped back into human form just in time to eat sand, skidding on her hands and knees across the ground. 

Alaska held up her hands. “Yield! Okay, you win. I yield.”

Yvie slowed Vanessa and planted her feet on the ground. She touched the point of Kam-tana to the ground. In a flash, Kameron stood next to Yvie, who dismounted to go over and approach Alaska. The redhead rested a hand on one of Vanessa’s handlebars and, the next time she blinked, she was holding Vanessa’s hand as her partner sat in the dirt. While Kameron pulled Vanessa back onto her feet, Yvie stood a breath away from Alaska. “You tell us what we need to know, we let you walk away.” 

“I’ll do you one better,” said Alaska. “I’m vers, I could join you. Even out your numbers. Plus, having a guide is gonna majorly help you out -- the area has changed a lot since the last maps were made.” 

Yvie regarded Alaska carefully. “And why’d you do that?”

Alaska still held her hands up, her palms facing out. She quirked a brow. “Because guarding a bridge is boring as shit and current leadership is weak anyway.” 

Yvie took a half step back, letting Alaska relax. 

“Is it a deal?” husked Alaska

“Just a second,” warned Yvie. “I don’t go around making decisions without asking my companions.” She motioned for Kameron and Vanessa to come forward, and they did, walking past Katya and Trixie smacking the sand off each others’ clothes. 

A couple meters away, Willam rolled over, spitting gravel. While Yvie convened with the others, Alaska took a couple steps toward Willam. Willam rubbed dry blood off her chin. “Did I hear you selling us out?”

“Need a hand?” asked Alaska. 

Willam waved dismissively. “Answer the question.”

Alaska sighed. “I sold me out. You’re not obligated to be any further involved.”

Willam rose to her feet and swatted at patches of gravel and sand. “If they’re fixing their eyes on unifying the continent,” she exhaled. “I don’t wanna be implicated in that shit if it doesn’t go like they want it to. No offense.”

Alaska shook her head. “None taken. And I suspect those two will wanna avoid the main action as well.” She jerked her thumb toward Trixie and Katya, who were keeping their distance, looking warily toward the tall woman with the neon buzz cut. 

“Okay,” said Yvie. She turned, Vanessa and Kameron flanking her, back toward Alaska. She arched a brow at Willam. “Is she gonna be joining us too?”

“Oh, hell no,” said Willam. “I’m getting as far away from this as possible.” She patted Alaska on the shoulder. “Been nice knowin’ ya, gal. Hope you don’t get turned into biofuel.”

“And you too.” Alaska waved to her friends as the three of them walked away. “Don’t turn into coyote chow!”

Kameron covered the space between her and Alaska in long, powerful strides. By the time Alaska spun back around, she almost knocked heads with Kameron. “Oh!” she fell a step back in surprise

“You wanted to join the winning team?” Kameron prompted. “Then get with the usefulness. Which way to the capitol?”

Alaska let out a nervous laugh. “Domineering. Sexy.” She headed off across the stone bridge before the other woman had a chance to swipe at her. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> also i realized i never said yvie was wearing a helmet while riding vanessa so i'm gonna ret-con in that Vanessa transforms complete with at least one motorcycle helmet. stay safe, kids. also no one tall me that you cant do a wheelie with a motorcycle. i clearly dont know shit abt cars, motorcycles, or weapons.


End file.
